Monthly Archives: December 2009

How to Get Your Screenplay Read (Using Physical Violence)

Posted on December 23, 2009 by gomijin

New column up at Cracked, and all you aspiring screenwriters out there take note, because this is how the magic is made: With kidnapping, fraud and assault. Seriously, it’s the fuel that Hollywood runs on. Literally the only reason Clark … Continue reading →

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The Worst Detective Ever

Posted on December 17, 2009 by gomijin

New column up at Cracked, wherein I try to solve the mystery of Swaim’s missing sexual harassment suit. Seriously, I think I’m technically his boss now, and I basically just wrote 3000 words of gay porn about him and published … Continue reading →

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5 Reasons Die Hard is the Best Christmas Movie Ever Made

Posted on December 9, 2009 by gomijin

New column up at Cracked, regarding motherfuckers the the yipee-ki-yay thereof. All jokes aside, though, Die Hard is technically a Christmas movie. So, feel free to tell your family that you’re popping in a Christmas classic and then scream profanities … Continue reading →

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Revisiting Old-School Text Adventure Games as a Jaded Modern Gamer

Posted on December 2, 2009 by gomijin

New column up at Cracked, where I revisit the innocent simplicity of text adventures with the callous sensibilities that modern day video games have instilled in me. Wacky hijinks ensue! Then I take a trip to Paris where wacky hijinks … Continue reading →

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