Monthly Archives: August 2009

Clippy Finally Messes With the Wrong .Doc

New column up at Cracked, where i inexplicably break the time barrier and get caught in a humor vortex in the year 1996. I solve this problem as I do all problems: Murder. You can go ahead and Digg it … Continue reading

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“Meet in a dark alley:” Euphamism for Anal?

I’m not the kind of guy who “you wouldn’t want to meet in a dark alley.” Mostly because If you’re hanging out in dark alleys, you’re probably looking for trouble, and that’s just not me. I’m a pretty easygoing dude, … Continue reading

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Do Not Click “Read More” If You Like Sanity.

So I was shopping in T.J. Maxx earlier today, when I accidentally stumbled into the Stygian Nightmares section:

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The Way of the Barbarian: Infusing Your Spiritual Life With Conan

There’s a new column up at Cracked this week that was given the distinguished honor of being billed “the manliest post in the history of Cracked.” Considering that last week’s top performing feature was ‘The 6 Best Dicks on Trucks … Continue reading

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What it is to be Gigantic.

Some people wouldn’t be scary if you enlarged them to gigantic proportions. They’d still be kind of ordinary, just a lot larger. If anything, I think that would make them kind of awkward. I know if I was suddenly eight … Continue reading

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The Truth Behind 5 Real Monsters That Fooled the Internet

There’s a new feature article up at Cracked, discussing and debunking the last bastions of mystery and magic left in this dull, dreary world. Also, I kill a pony at the end just to watch the love die in your … Continue reading

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Bill Clinton Fanfiction: The Desk.

Bill Clinton stepped off the helicopter like a man escorting a beautiful woman to a glamorous event, but he was entirely alone. He swept out gallantly, and one could easily see him turning on his heel to proffer his hand … Continue reading

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