Author Archives: gomijin

The U.S. Army’s Weed Weapon: A Paranoid But True Conspiracy

This week’s column, up now at Cracked, involves the United States Armed Forces, chemical weapons, marijuana, Wonder Woman arch-nemeses, temporarily gaining complete immunity to fire, strippers getting railed on top of toolbenches, regrets, hippies, and of course, invisible chickens all … Continue reading

Posted in Featured | Tagged | Leave a comment

For Dio: The Only Appropriate Tribute

New column up at Cracked, because sometimes the only way to mend a broken heart is to fuse it back together with hellfire. And shit: Let’s not forget that Frank Frazetta died last week too. This is a terrible fucking … Continue reading

Posted in Featured | Tagged | 2 Comments

A Probably True Story About a Now Infamous Moron

There’s a new column up at Cracked, and I’ll be honest here: At first you’re going to think it’s incredibly stupid and pointless. And hell – you’d be right. But if you stick with it to the end, it will … Continue reading

Posted in Featured | Tagged | 3 Comments

The Meeting That Led to the New JJ Abrams Trailer (Probably)

There’s a new column up at Cracked, where I explore the logic behind the “hot” “new” marketing campaign for J.J. Abrams secret project, Super Eight. Seriously, you guys: The last time he did this was for Cloverfield, and the only … Continue reading

Posted in Featured | Tagged | 1 Comment

Choose Your Own Drug-Fueled Misadventure: Fuck This Lost World

New installment of the Choose Your Own Drug-Fueled Misadventure series is up on Cracked. In this edition, our protagonist finally sobers up and decides to begin the long and arduous process of rebuilding his life. Or maybe he overdoses on … Continue reading

Posted in Featured | Tagged | 2 Comments

Why Ebert is Wrong: In Defense of Games as Art

There’s a new column up at Cracked, in response to this whole Roger Ebert Vs. Video Games fiasco. I saw a debate long since beaten to the ground, the participants smothered by the press of the crowd, everybody just desperately … Continue reading

Posted in Featured | Tagged | 1 Comment

A Pledge to Conan from the Fans Who Got Him Into This Mess

There’s a new column up at Cracked, where I promise to try to remember to try to support Conan maybe. Also, I shed some light on the oft-overlooked controversy surrounding Jay Leno and George Lopez and the many, many women, … Continue reading

Posted on | Tagged | Leave a comment