“Meet in a dark alley:” Euphamism for Anal?

I’m not the kind of guy who “you wouldn’t want to meet in a dark alley.” Mostly because If you’re hanging out in dark alleys, you’re probably looking for trouble, and that’s just not me.

I’m a pretty easygoing dude, you know?

But honestly, if I did stumble across an attractive woman in a dark alley for some reason, I think I’d still chase her.

I wouldn’t harm her or assault her or anything; I’m not a monster. But I would absolutely pursue her menacingly, If only to keep up the whole ‘dark alley’ mystique. Although, come to think of it, this would probably be just like your pet dog chasing down a cat: Yes, it’s all intense and terrifying while it lasts, but I wouldn’t have the first clue what to do once I caught her.

She’d be cornered – cowering in fear, a cold sweat just breaking across her neck – and as I advanced on her prone frame, my darkened face slowly becoming clear in the dim half-light, my broken, strangled voice would harshly croak out: “So uh…come here often?”

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5 Responses to “Meet in a dark alley:” Euphamism for Anal?

  1. RevJSH says:

    I think I would say something about how hard it has been for those of us at The Publishers Clearing House to track her down. Then when her primal fear gave way to hope, i’d snap a rubber band at her and run like hell.

  2. Fortesque says:

    I think it is best to offer something benign in a situation like that to make the persons knees give out in fear.

    “Would you like a marshmallow? Lemon juice? Are you sure you wouldn’t like a marshmallow, they’re just right.” If you corner someone menacingly they might attack you. Offer someone a marshmallow in a dark alleyway and they’ll lose they’re shit.

    Alternatively I’ve always thought it would be funny as Lesbian Cockfrogs if you chased someone down an alleyway menacingly, slowly reach into your pants…

    As they cower in primal fear withdraw… a hundred dollar bill ( or if your feeling cheap a one) approach them as they’re fear is enhanced by confusion, then while they’re shaking- too scared to move (or perhaps they tentatively hold out a hand) repeatedly press the bill up against they’re face. As they soil themselves feeling violated in some unseemly way scream: TEABAGGED BY FRANKLIN MOTHERFUCKER. (Or TEABAGGED BY WASHINGTON MOTHERFUCKER. respectively).

    If the police try to take you in later you can just say that you were trying to give the nice person some money. They might even give you some friendly pills for your troubles (which can be sold). =Profit. Rinse and repeat.

  3. smoky says:

    funnily enough, i was chased down a dark alley by an attractive woman once-
    the role reversal was quite fun.
    Then she violently raped me and took my torn underpants as a trophy. that was slightly less fun.
    still, all in all an eventfull tuesday.

  4. voice of reason says:

    has anyone given any thoughts to the alley’s feelings in all this?

    you selfish pricks…

  5. kurye says:

    emege saygi tesekkürler

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