You Lazy Bastard.

So basically I suck. I haven’t updated the site properly in ages and to be honest, I probably won’t for another month or so. I’m in the final stages of the book, and it’s taking a lot more work than I had planned.

Please accept this by means of an apology:

I do plan on resurrecting I Fight Robots eventually, when everything calms down, but in the mean time feel free to substitute the reading time usually reserved for this site with cheap pornography and expensive drugs.

Hey, I know my demographic.

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27 Responses to You Lazy Bastard.

  1. All is well, just make sure you write when your book gets released (maybe add a teaser)out in large -bold- letters.
    Letters intertwined in violence and sex. Letters battling one another eternally for dominance. Letters that can only be described as… Testicular mayhem… I expect no less.

    I hope you have such letters.
    Else you shall unleash my personality on the waking world… (by personalty I mean ballsack)
    Do you want that on your conscious?

  2. Muledriver says:

    ^ What he said.

  3. Muledriver says:

    Wait…what did he say?

  4. Muledriver says:

    Yeah, that was it. MAYHEM.

  5. Muledriver says:

    So wait. If Rob’s not posting here, does that mean he’s not paying attention to what we’re doing?

  6. Robert says:

    Oh, I’m paying attention. Just not very closely.

    I think somebody said something about gesticular mayhem?

    Is that like a lot of really rapid gestures? That’s pretty crazy, I guess.

  7. Larry says:

    You don’t even know the half of it.

  8. Luke says:

    Don’t sweat it: most hosers slacking off from their website are all “XBox Achievements mean more to me than productivity” or “I find the act of updating my own website after a hard day of not helping people at Blockbuster.” If your reason is “Making a Real Actual Book for Real Actual Money”, your reason piledrives theirs.

    Also, I really want these sexually charged robot series they talk about in that video clip. I didn’t see those growing up.

  9. Brett says:

    No one’s watching us!? WOO! LETS DRINK AND GAMBLE…

    …You guys wanna play Super Smash Brothers?

  10. Muledriver says:

    Gesticular mayhem, testicular mayhem, whatever…it all boils down to waving body parts around all willy-nilly.

  11. In that case this might be the most adequate response…

    But with whiskey, prostitutes and a battle axe.

  12. Muledriver says:

    Since Rob’s away if I can find a chick who will…you know, do it and stuff? I am so totally bringing her here.

  13. Smart-Maker says:

    Message: Hope your book is as fantastic as your writing, and that your loyal readers get some kind of discout, yes?

  14. Smart-Maker says:

    Oh, and I’m a retard for not removing message from my post.

  15. Ian says:

    That was pretty good, but I preferred the Volume 6 you wrote on that series:

    Oh wait. You didn’t write that? You mean to say it was actually ME that just straight up jacked that shit like jewels from your shallow grave? You DAMN right I did.

    ATOM4LIFE, playa.

  16. Darkmage says:

    I didn’t know where you wanted this so here goes…

    Living in England
    We had no G.I. Joe here,
    We had action man

    How’s that? 🙂

  17. Muledriver says:


  18. G says:

    Message: So wait…
    “we put the blood of Jesus on you…(three fingered hold of cursing with right hand) and your family….right from the Eagle’s nest…”

    THAT’s not cultict!!!!
    Fuck me!

    Also…wasn’t the Eagle’s nest Hitler’s hideout? What the fuck is this clip man? Did that mustached gay dude just cast a spell at me through the internet using the blood of Jesus and Hitler’s ghost? That’s like…a 7th level curse from basic D&D man…

    PS: Write more shit you lazy fuck.

  19. Sir Fortesque says:


    Oh, fuck.

  20. Bobolequiff says:

    Dammit Darkmage, I had one just like that:

    There is only one
    G.I. Joe in all Britain
    he is Action Man.

    and while I’m here:

    G.I. Joe taught us:
    “Knowing is half the battle”
    The rest is dick jokes.

  21. Robert says:


    That makes me sad for you. But if will serve.


    You know this is the qualification for a link, yes? Are you just doing it for fun, or did you forget to list your link?


    I hope you like living from my leavings, like a rat. I HOPE IT TASTES GOOD.

    Mule, Forts,

    That rug really tied the room together.

  22. Muledriver says:

    Listen, if you promise not to leave us again, I’ll have the rug cleaned. If I can get it away from Forts, that is.

  23. Sir Fortesque says:

    The rug was worthless. You can have it. I sold your poop on e-bay as Black rhino turd.

    In two hundred years when Black rhinos are a distant memory expect to pop back into existence as a very confused clone in a zoo.

    Consider it karmic vengeance for stealing the rug.

  24. Sir Fortesque says:

    Oh? I stole that carpet?

    Life’s a bitch.

  25. Bobolequiff says:


    Yeah, I know, but I saw the link-for-haiku offer, rolled a couple off the top of my head and then realised I don’t have anything to link to.

    Someday though.


  26. Darkmage says:

    From what I’ve seen on Cracked and such, G.I. Joe is far superior to Action Man.
    Action Man truly was wank on a whole new and shitty level. I imagine he still is…
    Click on ‘See The Toys’. What a bunch of wankers!

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