I Fight Robots is dead! I Fight Robots lives again! Kill it! Kiiilll iiiit!

I’m changing the direction of this site in a pretty major way. When I first started IFR, it was for a few reasons: First and foremost, I really wanted a space to practice. I wanted to develop a voice, practice, experiment with form, and get some familiarity with non-fiction writing. I didn’t really do any of this with a specific goal in mind; I just love writing, and non-fiction is a big part of it – a part that I had no experience with. This experiment has led to some really good things – two weekly columns, a book deal, and a life as a full-time writer – but it’s getting stale.

Another reason for IFR was simply that there was nothing like it out there. There were comedy sites, and there were science sites, and there were sites that made a few jokes while link dumping science stuff – but nothing exclusively dedicated to humor and science. Now, just with my columns alone, there are at least two other weekly spots for this kind of material. Everything I previously covered here, I can now cover elsewhere. So most of my initial goals are now fulfilled. I’ve practiced, I am familiar, I have a voice and the chance to explore it – but god damn, now all I do is write non-fiction/comedy about science/interesting stories/internet stuff. I’ve got a non-fiction, non-memoir humor book I’m working on, and both weekly columns also have this same direction. It’s a bit stifling. I need some outlet for other genres, but more importantly, I need some practice with other things. I’ve shifted the direction of this blog once, and now I’m shifting it again.

It’s already devolved into visual puns. My god, what have I done?

From now on, this site is just my personal space. There’s no longer any theme to speak of, and it won’t necessarily always be comedy. I’ll post fiction here, (not just the sci-fi crap I have been, but anything that comes up) profanity-laden diatribes, thoughts on serious topics, autobiographical stories – whatever. It’ll probably still be mostly humor-oriented, and I’ll certainly bring back the traditional IFR science posts whenever I find something awesome that doesn’t fit into the other weekly columns. I’m sorry if this loses me readers, but hopefully the ones that stick around will get to know me a little better (and vice versa) and hell, maybe you’ll even like the new stuff better.
That being said, and seeing as how this is turning into a more personal kind of site, let’s do a more personal kind of intro.

Me: I’m 29 years old, a full-time writer, desperately in love with shitty movies, and secretly an old school nerd from way back. This is what I look like now:

Okay, so maybe I’m a little raggedy, but shit guys, this was me just last year:

As you can see, I am steadily looking less and less like a crazy hobo, and hope to one day join your society like a real person.

I live in Portland, Oregon with my wonderful, beautiful girlfriend Meagan:

She’s also responsible for site maintenance, all the designs and layouts. She does this because I am far too much of a diva to bother. It’s all hissy fits and champagne up in this shit.

I’m slowly finishing up a Bachelor’s Degree in Liberal Studies. This was not by choice – the school lost a bunch of my credits from my chosen major, and now, short of doing an entire year over, this is the only major that will graduate me as is. What high standards the liberal arts have! Hopefully, armed with this slip of paper that cost me thirty thousand dollars, I can now get a job as a waiter anywhere in the world!

These are my two dogs, who I have named after the protagonists from the Lethal Weapon series:

Detective Martin Riggs

This is the gentle, sweet-natured one.

Detective Roger Murtaugh

This is the crazy, loose cannon one.

The personality dynamic is reversed, I know. In this aspect, they disappoint me greatly.

This is the cat:

(I do not like the cat.)

I work from home and often do not change into real pants until rather late in the day. I have earned this right, as all of my previous jobs required retarded and ridiculous uniforms. I once wore a bow tie for six months. I have paid my dues.

I love Guinness like it is a person, because it is the best beer. That is not a personal opinion. You cannot disagree with facts. I enjoy sandwiches, but they do not enjoy me. I am their scourge.

“Your wife? Dead. Your children? Dead. Your dog? Dead. I will not stop until I have wiped your seed from the planet and salted the earth so that it may not grow again.”

I love books. I’ll read anything across the spectrum, as long as it’s good. Italo Calvino, Kurt Vonnegut, Philip Pullman, Jonathan Lethem – from post-modernism to humor to young adult to science fiction – these people are all equal geniuses to me. And they’re why I write. I write because I love it, and have always loved it. I knew only that I wanted to have something to do with writing for my career, but I never thought it would be comedy that paid. I wanted to be a serious writer – one with emotional issues and drug problems – who would hopefully die in isolation, an unappreciated genius in my own time. Instead, I inexplicably became a comedy writer – who is drinking a Diet Barq’s right now, and gets bi-weekly offers for sex from strangers because I write dick jokes about science on the internet. Life is funny.

I’m just capitalizing on it.