Ever since The Lawnmower Man first showed us that virtual reality could do just about anything – even turning even the mentally handicapped into poorly-rendered demigods of murder – our culture has been obsessed with bringing VR to life (well, maybe the concept existed before that movie, but come on – did anybody really care about virtual reality before the landscaping retard became the undisputed king of dialup?) And so far, there have been just two major obstacles in bringing V.R. rigs into the main stream:
1. They don’t work.
2. They look stupid.
And those are pretty big obstacles, but finally there’s something here that promises to completely overcome them! I present to you, The Cocoon:
Okay, so it still looks stupid. But so what? More importantly, does it work?!
Well, not like the movies have promised us, anyway. In the movies, Virtual Reality syncs with your brain so completely that you lose all consciousness of your physical body, and become completely lost in the computer generated world. This thing, invented by UK professors from the Universities of York and Warwick, takes a much more pragmatic approach to it. It doesn’t trick your brain into believing reality, but chooses instead to address your senses one at a time. It’s got the completely immersive screen to cover the visual, and three dimensional speakers to cover the sound, but those are the easy ones; taste, smell, and most of all, touch, are the truly difficult senses to fool. The Cocoon has a box of chemicals beneath the nose-plate that mix to replicate a variety of smells. It has a heating, cooling, and humidity system for tactile purposes, and finally there is a tube inserted into your mouth that sprays liquids in one of the four basic tastes: Bitter, salty, sour, and sweet.
The British scientists say that it’ll be out in about five years, and will only cost around two thousand dollars. They propose many uses for the helmet – from training soldiers in combat situations, to entertainment and gaming uses over the internet, which could mean anything from “taking viewers from their couch to the African savanna,” and “greeting friends and family on the other side of the world,” to simply playing “virtual roleplay games such as Second Life.”
Aaaand that’s where you’ve lost it all!
Undoubtedly this thing will have a million innocuous uses – but practically in the same breath you’ve mentioned that it’s not only affordable, but could also be very useful to people playing “virtual roleplay games such as Second Life.” Do you know what you’ve done?! Before the thing is even on the market you have typecast it as little more than a virtual facefucker for hovering furries…because that’s all that Second Life is! Sure, there have been some legitimate marketing attempts in the virtual world, like movie screenings and publicity stunts, but the vast majority of Second Life players are people that have already paid $10 just for a more realistic functioning fox penis add-on, of course they’re going to drop two grand for the chance to finally feel what it’s like to suck off a Care Bear! The furries took over Second Life almost as soon as it was up – and do you know why? Because the very second you create a consequence free virtual environment with full anonymity, the suppressed perversions of mankind are going to come spewing out of every orifice like Bukakke Exorcist fan-fiction.
And you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that (okay, so that particular scenario is extremely wrong, but the concept in general isn’t all that bad.) Any convincing virtual space is of course going to have more than its fair share of perversions (the internet itself is little more than a two-dimensional interactive handjob for most people,) and that’s probably the reason all the other VR rigs have been full body set-ups up until now. They knew full well that there is a reason the porn industry has decided all of our major media formats, from VHS to Blu-Ray. It’s just inevitable that porn will have a hand in deciding the next big leap in VR. The problem with a virtual reality helmet is that it’s just that: A helmet. Unless you’re really into getting fucked in your faceholes; a helmet isn’t going to do much for the porn industry. Of course, I’m sure many people would be extremely into a face-ramming simulator, but that’s a pretty specific niche demographic filled with such angry and masochistic undertones that you’d have to be more sexually repressed than an uptight, elderly, British scientist to be into something like tha- oh!
Well there you go. Device explained.