Science at the Improv 2: Science Harder

I am intensely lazy, and so it is time again for Science at the Improv! Where instead of one long writeup about a tech story, I give you a series of articles followed by short commentary, so that I devote more of my time trying to beat Mega Man 9, because Flame Man is a fucking cocksucker.

Camoria

The Camoria is a camera that’s rigged to shoot pictures in reaction to your emotional state. Its controller is worn behind the ear, and triggered to shoot with specific settings when the user experiences certain emotions. For example, if you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, the camera will snap a shot like this:



If you’re feeling naught but bilious rage, you’ll probably get this right here:



And if sometimes you have to cut yourself, just to feel something again, you probably just took this picture:




DBS

The Deep Brain Stimulation treatment is a new surgical treatment for depression, wherein a series of platinum leads are placed inside the patient’s brain, and hooked up to a small battery installed in either the clavicle or abdomen. By controlling the electrical impulses to specific sections of the brain with short, interfering pulses, the patients were able to see a massive sustained improvement in their emotional state over the course of the following 12-month study period.



So be sure to tell your doctor if you’re feeling a bit down, so that he can cut open your brain, chest and stomach, where he’ll install bizarre devices that will softly electrocute you for an entire year straight. Also, see if he can rig that shit up to your Camoria, so that every time you go to take one of these pictures:



It turns out like this:

i.play

The i.play is a new UK-based game system geared towards children. It is typically installed in playgrounds or parks, and basically functions like a giant version of Bop-it, where the players are given instructions on how to manipulate a series of buttons, toggles and levers. The game is even hooked into the internet, so that players from across the world can compete against other playgrounds.



Yes. Yes, please do hook up playground games – ones where kids have to pull, push, stroke, thrust and jam levers – directly to the internet. Actually just hook them right into Myspace. Also please have them register their player names with all of their personal information, the streets they use to take home, and their favorite kind of ice cream.


“Now twist it! Okay, now jam it! Alright now, fuck it! What? What’s wrong? I SAID DO IT, KID!”

Jesus. I have been ending on some fucked up images lately. That’s worse than naked black batman. And that is a sentence I thought I would never have to type.