The Amazing Adventures of Blockhead and Watty

So, the last week has seen some of the best comments I have ever had in my long history on the internet – from Misplaced Goblin Poon to the Online Amish Butter Mafia – but I think we have it beat now. These guys showed up on that Grand Theft Auto piece that later ran on Cracked… just a little late to the party and apparently, really pissed off about it. That post has seen only one random comment in the two months since its traffic waned, and now two blokes with identical opinions and a chummy disposition toward one another comment on it within a half hour of each other. Either they’re the same dude, or a dynamic comedy team. The comments and response follow:

Watty on 09.09.08 at 2:16 pm

You haven’t a fucking clue. Its the best game ever made. Gameplay graphics etc. What the fuck are you expecting dickhead. What fucking game would you give 10/10, probably some shite nobody but you wants to play. Go back to wanking because your fucking shit at writing reviews. Maybe the next GTA you may be able to fucking go into every building in the city with a proper family in each one. Then you could go shopping for anything you wanted then go on holiday to anywhere in the world and pay half board. Then when you get back from your hold you could even have a crap and even see the shite on the toilet paper when you have wiped your arse. Even then it wouldn’t be good enough. Now fuck off and stop writing reviews loser.

Blockhead on 09.09.08 at 2:46 pm

Well said Watty. Totally agree! This idiot is thick as pig shit

Robert on 09.09.08 at 3:42 pm

That was…that was totally adorable.

I’m sorry, I really tried to take you guys seriously and be offended, but all those extra E’s and R’s and the cutesy, obscure slang just make me smile. I guess I’m physically incapable of fearing the English (or Australian, whatever.) You’re just too fuckin’ cute. Also, the close proximity of time between the comments and the clear fact that you’re both from the same anglo country/area can only mean two things:

First – and far more likely of the two scenarios – you’re the same guy who writes anonymous comments and then returns to agree with them half an hour later. That’s just sad, and makes me wish only comfort for you. I hope your grandma comes to town soon and knits you a shawl, buddy.

Or – and this is the one I’m going to go with because it just makes me happy – you’re two irrevocably bonded internet pals with comic strip names and gruff demeanors that hang out on my blog. Which is awesome. You should have a show, or at least a comic strip.


Hey, everybody! It’s Blockhead and Watty – two retarded English soccer hooligans who – through a science experiment gone wrong – have found themselves trapped in the past…in the internet!

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Watch as they arrive to websites months late! Thrill as they get boilin’ mad over trifling differences of opinion! Laugh as they scream incoherently and inappropriately mention their own shit!

Blockhead and Watty on: Social Networking

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Watty: Wot’s all this then, Blockhead? It says it’s a Friendster, it does!

Blockhead: Sounds like some kind of queer auto to me, Watty. I bet it runs on SHITE!

Watty: SHIIIIIITE ARSE!

Blockhead and Watty on: Memes

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Watty: OI BLOCKHEAD! ‘ELP ME!

Blockhead: Wot’s all this SHITE, Watty?

Watty: SOME BLOKE IS TRYING TO STEAL ME BASE, HE IS!

Watty: That’s PIG SHIT.

Blockhead: APE SHIIIIIT!!!

Blockhead and Watty on: Rickrolling

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Blockhead: Oi, Watty! I keep clickin’ this here link wot says it’s for Hot Shit and Titties, but all’s I get is some ponce in a raincoat singin’ about “not givin’ me up.”

Blockhead: WHY THAT’S RUBBISH!

Watty: …Rubbish?

Blockhead: Wot? A bloke can’t try somethin’ new?

Watty:

Blockhead: ARSE HOLE SHITE BOMBERS!

Watty: MUUUULE SHITE CAT SHITE DOG SHITE THREE-TOED SLOTH SHITE!

Man, I really hope these guys come back. I wonder where they came from? Do you think if I wrote a scathing review of Halo 2 I might get their attention again?

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19 Responses to The Amazing Adventures of Blockhead and Watty

  1. Muledriver says:

    This should really be a regular feature weather they come back or not. Two reasons:

    1) It’s funny;
    2) the way Hollywood is doing business these days I’m surprised you don’t already have a three picture deal based on the characters alone.

  2. Monkeytastic says:

    I’ve personally decided that you, for my amusement, are required by (some kind of) law to make that into a recurring feature, hopefully one that turns into a claymation full length movie. get on it! SHITE!

  3. Steeeeeeeve says:

    i’m with monkeytastic on this one

  4. Not Steeeeeeeve says:

    well said, Steeeeeeeve! he’d have to be thicker than the thickest shit there is not to use this again

  5. dubs says:

    awesome the possabilitys!!!

  6. Captain Weebo says:

    The pictures are what made this article…

    having that image of them in my mind only to scroll down and see them exactly represented as I thought…. it was amazing!

  7. Luke says:

    This article had me giggling, but when I got to “ponce in a raincoat” I had to get up and take a breather.

  8. Watty says:

    Halo 2 is SHITE! You monkey arsed baboons should fuck off!

  9. Thomas says:

    This is so awesome I am not ever sure how to respond.

  10. Robert says:

    Glad everybody liked it.

    Now, apparently the real Blockhead and Watty have little desire to return to a website that dedicated an entire week to making fun of them publicly (shocking!) so it’s unlikely we’ll be seeing any more of their comments. However, if you ever disagree with me or find the quality of a piece inherently lacking in some way, I formally invite you to submit these grievances under the guise of the lovable duo.

    I think it’s pretty easy to understand how they operate – just comment too late for it to matter and scream about SHITE.

    It would make me happy. My heart would go on.

  11. Robert says:

    Thomas,

    Not EVER sure to respond? Like, forever?

    Wow.

    Thanks, dude.

  12. Muledriver says:

    I just noticed that Watty seems to always be in a karate pose. Ready to throw down, as it were.

    What a bad-ass.

  13. Watty says:

    Oi, Karate…RIGHT! I’ll kick yer bullocks right inna yer shite-hole, ya big poof!

    PIIIIG SHIIIIIIIIT!

  14. Blockhead says:

    Quite roit Watty! I’m no bald pansy! Give me proper mutton chops or I’ll box your ears, I will!

    APE SHIIIIIIIITE!

  15. Robert says:

    Oh man, my bad. The next iteration of Blockhead will definitely have to have mutton chops.

    That is exactly right.

  16. Watty says:

    You’re all fur coat without the trousers mate! This site is a load of bollocks. This whole bloody site is one giant cock up.

  17. Blockhead says:

    I HAVE LARGE BALLS. YES, MY BALLS ARE QUITE LARGE, INDEED. I FINISHED COLLEGE CAUSING MY BALLS TO SWELL AND MAKE ME TALK LIKE THIS.

  18. hammer says:

    moar updates.

  19. Robert says:

    Please, Hammer…

    Don’t hurt ’em!

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