So, the last week has seen some of the best comments I have ever had in my long history on the internet – from Misplaced Goblin Poon to the Online Amish Butter Mafia – but I think we have it beat now. These guys showed up on that Grand Theft Auto piece that later ran on Cracked… just a little late to the party and apparently, really pissed off about it. That post has seen only one random comment in the two months since its traffic waned, and now two blokes with identical opinions and a chummy disposition toward one another comment on it within a half hour of each other. Either they’re the same dude, or a dynamic comedy team. The comments and response follow:
Watty on 09.09.08 at 2:16 pm
You haven’t a fucking clue. Its the best game ever made. Gameplay graphics etc. What the fuck are you expecting dickhead. What fucking game would you give 10/10, probably some shite nobody but you wants to play. Go back to wanking because your fucking shit at writing reviews. Maybe the next GTA you may be able to fucking go into every building in the city with a proper family in each one. Then you could go shopping for anything you wanted then go on holiday to anywhere in the world and pay half board. Then when you get back from your hold you could even have a crap and even see the shite on the toilet paper when you have wiped your arse. Even then it wouldn’t be good enough. Now fuck off and stop writing reviews loser.
Blockhead on 09.09.08 at 2:46 pm
Well said Watty. Totally agree! This idiot is thick as pig shit
Robert on 09.09.08 at 3:42 pm
That was…that was totally adorable.
I’m sorry, I really tried to take you guys seriously and be offended, but all those extra E’s and R’s and the cutesy, obscure slang just make me smile. I guess I’m physically incapable of fearing the English (or Australian, whatever.) You’re just too fuckin’ cute. Also, the close proximity of time between the comments and the clear fact that you’re both from the same anglo country/area can only mean two things:
First – and far more likely of the two scenarios – you’re the same guy who writes anonymous comments and then returns to agree with them half an hour later. That’s just sad, and makes me wish only comfort for you. I hope your grandma comes to town soon and knits you a shawl, buddy.
Or – and this is the one I’m going to go with because it just makes me happy – you’re two irrevocably bonded internet pals with comic strip names and gruff demeanors that hang out on my blog. Which is awesome. You should have a show, or at least a comic strip.
Hey, everybody! It’s Blockhead and Watty – two retarded English soccer hooligans who – through a science experiment gone wrong – have found themselves trapped in the past…in the internet!
Watch as they arrive to websites months late! Thrill as they get boilin’ mad over trifling differences of opinion! Laugh as they scream incoherently and inappropriately mention their own shit!
Blockhead and Watty on: Social Networking
Watty: Wot’s all this then, Blockhead? It says it’s a Friendster, it does!
Blockhead: Sounds like some kind of queer auto to me, Watty. I bet it runs on SHITE!
Watty: SHIIIIIITE ARSE!
Blockhead and Watty on: Memes
Watty: OI BLOCKHEAD! ‘ELP ME!
Blockhead: Wot’s all this SHITE, Watty?
Watty: SOME BLOKE IS TRYING TO STEAL ME BASE, HE IS!
Watty: That’s PIG SHIT.
Blockhead: APE SHIIIIIT!!!
Blockhead and Watty on: Rickrolling
Blockhead: Oi, Watty! I keep clickin’ this here link wot says it’s for Hot Shit and Titties, but all’s I get is some ponce in a raincoat singin’ about “not givin’ me up.”
Blockhead: WHY THAT’S RUBBISH!
Blockhead: Wot? A bloke can’t try somethin’ new?
Blockhead: ARSE HOLE SHITE BOMBERS!
Watty: MUUUULE SHITE CAT SHITE DOG SHITE THREE-TOED SLOTH SHITE!
Man, I really hope these guys come back. I wonder where they came from? Do you think if I wrote a scathing review of Halo 2 I might get their attention again?