Cyborg Flasher Shoots Penis at General Public

In another beautiful example of technology being wrongly (oh, so wrongly) applied, a Spanish performance artist has found a way to literally molest scientific progress. There’s no fancy way to put this, so let’s just go: He’s jury rigged a system of portable powered projectors and attached them to his dick. He wanders the streets of Madrid, projecting gargantuan cocks onto the sides of government buildings, cathedrals, and probably sweeping over large crowds while making Godzilla sound effects.

cockra, projector of cock
“Oh no! It is a giant Spanish penis! AYAAAA! Who can stop Cockra, destroyer of worlds?!”

There are many things that need no technological advancement, and flashing is definitely one of them. The current method of flashing works perfectly, and it’s really quite simple:

A.) Find some pedestrians
B.) Show them your dick
C.) Enjoy!

Your ultimate end-game – wiggling cock at passer-by – is now accomplished. It is an elegant, uncluttered solution to that age-old problem of some people not seeing your wang. The real issue at hand is along the same lines as Morgui, The Stalker Robot’s problem. For some reason, sexual deviants are leapfrogging the average man technologically. Why do they have robots and cock-projectors, while at best we have mace and a flashlight?

morgui does not mace
Mace does nothing to Morgui, my friends. He has no eyes. No pain receptors. No mercy.

Certainly you could Mace the cock-projecting fellow, but you know what that will ultimately accomplish? He will scream, recoil, and flail about in pain. Or perhaps more importantly, he will scream, recoil and flail his cock about in pain. The very same cock that is being projected at 1000X magnification across the landscape, his painful gyrations now causing the flickering image to holographically mushroom stamp literally every living creature in sight. It is probably better, all told, to simply leave him alone and just try your best to stay out from underneath the giant balls wavering across the Parliament building.

mecha-cockra, projector of mecha-cock
Does he need the LED in the asshole? Pray to God that you never know the answer.

The truly sad thing is that this may lead to a mass condemnation of the technology on display here, when really, he has a pretty good idea. Personal projectors could have been useful in a lot of situations. But now if you see a guy with one, all you’ll think is “great, that guy’s gonna cover the Starbucks with his dick again. Guess I’m skipping coffee today.” It’s just a case of one rogue element ruining an otherwise sound system. In this case, it is the Performance Artist element. Allow me to illustrate with a diagram:

performance venn

I hope that you can view future sketchy technological advancements with this dilemma in mind, and attempt not to condemn them on the basis of their horrifying results alone. It could merely be a case of another bad element corrupting the otherwise pristine concept. Here, maybe it will help you to better understand how one small aspect can change the entire principle if we replace the performance artist with another disruptive element. For example:

spiders venn

Just try to remember: It’s not the projector’s fault that spider-cocks are being beamed into your dreams.

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12 Responses to Cyborg Flasher Shoots Penis at General Public

  1. Muledriver says:

    Hi, Morgui!

    I love you!

  2. Brett says:

    Oh my lord… Imagine the further technological advancements in this. Imagine the year 2022 when 3D holograms are a mainstay and this guy dusts off his old projector, makes a few minor modifications and we now have 1000x 3D penises extending from our nation’s most beloved buildings, street signs and corporate mascots…

  3. Brett says:

    Here is a diagram for reference.

  4. Lune says:


  5. Anonymous says:

    Woah nelly.

  6. Seresecros says:

    If he somehow finds a way to play the theme to Jaws while swooping his penis majestically across buildings, then he will be the greatest performance artist of all time.

  7. Frankie says:



    Your blag is awesome!

  8. deadlytoque says:

    Hey, we should totally have an outdoor Die Hard Marathon!

  9. Robert says:


    See, that’s what I’m sayin. If those god damn Europeans could just keep it in their pants we could have mobile outdoor die-hard triathlons – sprinting block after block, chasing down the next explosion…

    But no, one rogue Spaniard with small man’s syndrome and suddenly the portable projector only shoots dicks from the future.

  10. Robert says:


    Venn diagrams = comedy. I’m glad you realize this.

  11. sam says:

    vendiagrams r awesome! plz do more

  12. Robert says:

    I am glad there are others who appreciate the delicious combination of dicks and diagrams.

    Holy shit, is that domain registered?

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