The Fallacy of “meh” Comments.

I’m not one for censorship, and so I typically don’t delete even the most insulting comments that show up here. However, there are some I universally dispose of, and I thought this latest exchange might serve to illustrate exactly why I ordinarily do not think your words are worthy enough to physically register on anybody’s screen, anywhere, under any context, forever and ever and all throughout time. Amen.

For your convenience I have also transcribed the comments here, interspersing the block of text with photoshopped pictures of squirrels. I do this because I understand you, internet. I know what you need, baby.

dickumsmack says:

YOU GUYS ARE ALL GEEKS AND DORKS FOR BEING ON THIS GO GET A LIFE

squirrel4

Robert says:

Well…then why did you come here, much less take all the time to comment?

See, I’ve deleted a good deal of these kinds of comments. Whether they’re “get a life,” or “gay,” or “meh;” they’re all entirely irrelevant. You go through all the trouble of reading the site, the comments, and filling out the comment form just to bash out a monosyllabic statement that says nothing and serves no purpose but to show your disapproval. Disapproval is fine; explain it. Am I a fag? That’s great, tell me why. Perhaps you should suggest how I suck cocks, where I suck cocks, why I suck cocks, and how I could further advance my cock-sucking agenda. This would be showing initiative on your part, and though obviously detrimental to me, I would leave it to stand on this site for all to see…because you put effort into it. You used your big boy words. Good job for you.

squirrel1

But stuff like this – this uncreative, unjustified statement that you put so much effort into posting – well, it just makes you look bad. So I delete it. Except for this time. This time, I will actively address it and explain myself and my own comment policies for your benefit and the benefit of others.

In other words: You just had the poor luck to be an example.

There’s a pop-psychology theory about homophobia, to wit: The more outspoken and belligerent a person becomes while protesting a behavior that:

A.) Does not personally affect them,

AND

B.) Must be actively sought out by the protester (i.e. it does not occur naturally in the protester’s daily life, but must be sought after and found in order to object to it,) the more likely said protester secretly engages in, wishes to engage in, or is struggling against the urge to engage in the supposedly protested behavior.

Squirrel2

This is most often exemplified by rural or fundamentally religious populations while gay-bashing or race-bashing. In most cases, both homosexual and minority populations are entirely absent from the lives of these people that presume to hate them, and so they must be actively sought out to persecute. These people have to get up, prepare, leave their homes and towns, travel to a gay bar, a parade, or an ethnically diverse population, and then and only then can they actually protest. This is most likely a form of compensation.

To put it layman’s terms, these protesters will say “I hate queers,” because they realize they are surrounded by people that hate queers. If they were to admit they have queer thoughts, they would become victims of persecution themselves, and so they protest the most loudly and most belligerently against queers so as to bely suspicion. The guy with the I Hate Fags shirt is pretending to hate fags more than you, so that you don’t suspect he might be one himself.

squirrel3

I think this might hold true for you. You’ve actively sought out and read one of the “geeky” articles I’ve written (supposing that geeky, in this case, relates to in-depth opinions about games, gaming, science, or otherwise socially stigmatic subjects.) You then filled out all of the proper information and went through all of the steps involved in commenting, just for the sake of suggesting that other people – who have undergone these exact same steps that you have just taken – are “geeks” for taking these steps. I think this theory would strongly suggest that you too are a “geek,” or a “dork;” you’re just not very comfortable with it.

Either that, or you’re gay. And a racist.

Way to be a big fat gay racist dork, guy-with-dick-right-in-his-user-name.

I think you just lost. A lot. I think I just made you lose.

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32 Responses to The Fallacy of “meh” Comments.

  1. Lord Shplane says:

    OH MY GOD YOU’RE SUCH A FAGGOT FGSFDS

    NERD DORK FAGGOT FAG FAGGY FAG FAG FAGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTttTTTtTtTttttTTTT7

  2. Jess says:

    I think this victory calls for a celebration full of flattened cock images covered in hastily-scrawled, obscure Biblical passages, to be sent express mail to Angus MacGyver himself.

  3. Arik says:

    You put large penises in your oral cavity and press your firm lips around them and suck because you had an overbearing mother. Nerd.

  4. Seresecros says:

    I hate squirrels.

  5. Robert says:

    Squirrels hate you.

  6. Muledriver says:

    Squirrels do hate you, Seresecros.

    I know, that’s a hell of a thing to have to come to terms with going into 4th of July weekend. I’m sorry.

    But they hate you. They hate you SO MUCH.

  7. dubs says:

    the Squirrels rock!!!!!!!!!! stupid Squirrelsist pepole stick that in all your over sized pipes and smoke it

  8. Steeeeeeeve says:

    Squirrelsist?

  9. Brett says:

    See Seresecros… You hate squirrels because deep down inside you are really a squirrel yourself… I’m sorry… Grief counselling and cake will be available at the end of this comment.

  10. Robert says:

    Suddenly, Seresecros, I hate you much less.

    You’re actually quite adorable and I find I can forgive your many faults. You can even out of my birdfeeder, if you like. Your antics amuse me.

    Will you wear this tiny hat?

    Will you…will you wear the matching overalls?

    Do it for me.

  11. Seresecros says:

    I’ve got a lot of thinking to do, it appears, and I only hope you can help me to get through this difficult and trying time.

    I didn’t mean to be anti-squirrel, it’s just…. they scare me, alright? I had an experience when I was a kid, and it… it changed me. I’ve seen things… You don’t KNOW, man! You weren’t there!

    I’m more than happy to wear a tiny hat for your amusement, having said all that. Is it okay if I cry while I wear it?

  12. This was the most crocodile-fucking post I have ever read.

    I signed up just so I could tell you that.

  13. Robert says:

    Yes, Seresecros, it is fine if you cry while wearing the hat.

    In fact, I prefer it.

  14. Robert says:

    To My Dearest Friend and Invaluable Companion Tim Cameron,

    What?

    Love and fond wishes for all your future endeavours,
    -Robert Clinton Brockway IV

  15. Nononymous says:

    Why you do this.

  16. Lord Shplane says:

    DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME FAGGOT GO SUCK MORE DICKS FAG FAG FAGGY FAGGOT FAGGY FAG.

  17. Sir Fortesque the pimp says:

    I realise that everyone may have noticed this already but you guys may have just had a burn contest with a ten year old or a vegetable of a man with a disfunctional and/or unused todger. (perhaps a combination). This makes me sad. To the aforesaid sad specimine of a human being, in the words of Jesus- I forgive you… now go get laid and disturb me not with your monkeyish babbling.

  18. Robert says:

    I would love to actually believe that, Ian, it would bolster my faith in humanity.

    However, more than likely, this commenter is at least in his late teens if not late twenties. See, I too used to give that benefit of the doubt – assuming that everybody who behaves like this on the internet is either ten years old, or literally so mentally retarded that they have to wear a crash helmet to the supermarket.

    But time after time that proved not to be the case. Time after time they were of a reasonable age, had been through some schooling, and were not diagnosed (yet) with any major form of retardation. Sadly, Ian, despite your beautiful dream, people really are just that stupid.

    Also, If you’re lost you can look and you will find me. If you fall, I will catch you I will be waiting. Time after time.

    *single tear*

  19. Arkalem says:

    That photo of the squirril recieving a Bronze Star….

    am I to believe that we’re awarding squirrils now? And for what?! That photo was obviously faked! Stupid squirril never served in Iraq. Probably.

    Whatevs.

  20. Muledriver says:

    Rob,

    Did you just double-down on a Jesus reference with a Cindy Lauper quote?

    Good God, man. The sweet, sweet audacity.

  21. Robert says:

    I WILL ROCK THE HEAVENS WITH GENTLE NEW WAVE POP.

  22. Lord Shplane says:

    I-I can’t even troll the comments on a shitty robot blog…

    I’m such a failure…

    Forgive me Satan, Lord Master and First Troll.

    *Hangs self*

  23. Do you think a lot of the people who comment they way they do are frustrated adolescent (sp?) single people who get a sense of empowerment and dominance when ‘flaming’ people who take the time and effort to create something that’s actually interesting and popular? Just a thought.
    Great site. Keep it up.

  24. Dauric says:

    Hmm.. well written article, must copy and paste all over internet (with proper attributions of course).

  25. Nanita says:

    This is my first time visiting this site…and it was only through cracked.com. You are absolutely hilarious Robert! I look forward to reading more and visiting often. I love the squirrels and Wolverine is my favorite X-Men (Man)…so the frog article is fantastic. Your writing is superb. And much to my surprise..I share the same insight you have on your explanation about people who object the loudest and seek to find that which they object to the most. You would think they would be happier to stay home…AWAY from all those they despise. BRAVO!

  26. Joe.C. says:

    Those pictures make me want to touch myself.
    Nice work.

  27. tracy says:

    i didn’t actually read this, i just looked at the pictures of squirrels.

    tight blog, dude.

  28. Irish soberman says:

    Ian Fortey reads this blog as well? I think I have found the holy trinity of comedy blogs…Can I use “holy” in this reference? Squirrels make me hungry.

  29. Robert says:

    Nah, it’s just some Eastern European dude that not-so-secretly scares the hell out of me. I just thought it was Ian because he’s also severely perverted and frequently mentions sex-crimes.

  30. St.Jimmy says:

    Most of these comments are best read in an Invader Zim voice.

    Gir: I wanna squirrel!!!
    Zim: No gir.
    Gir: WHy?
    Zim: Because they hate you. THEY HATE YOU SO MUCH.

  31. BlackMage says:

    Oh my balls this site is awesome.
    You, my good fellow, are the Winner of the Internet.

    Also, Invader Zim would totally be an awesome way to read anything, especially the Bible, and obituaries.

  32. bill says:

    What would make someone want to debate with Brockway? Especially one of the “mehfag” sort.

    See what I did there? I often use mehfag to denote articles that are uninteresting to me. I don’t want people to know this.

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