Nature is a nerd.
From Marine Biology to Astronomy, the natural world has always been somewhat of a spaz. As if to further illustrate this point, science has recently discovered that mother nature is totally into comic books, too. This is Trichobatrachus robustus.
T. Robustus is a Cameroonian (?) Tree Frog that has evolved a unique defense mechanism: It has decided that the best way to deter potential predators is to become Wolverine, from The X-Men.
Nobody fucks with Wolverine, so this was actually a pretty good move by evolution.
The legs of the frog contain an odd structuring of bones: Straight shafts attached by collagen to a curved, barbed point. These bones are located just under the skin of the frog’s hind leg and, when threatened, expand outwards through the feet – much like a cat’s claws. The chief difference here is that there is no conventional claw mechanism present. The frog extends the claws by contracting its muscles so hard that the barbed point snaps off from the shaft and is shoved outward through its skin. Biologists describe this unique mechanism as “unheard of in the natural world,” as well as “holy shit hard fucking core.”
Since there is no specific set of muscles to expand and retract the claws, scientists are at a loss to explain where the claw goes when the frog is no longer threatened. One expert states that because the frog is an amphibian, “it would not be surprising if some parts of the wound heal and the tissue is regenerated.” Still not convinced this is Wolverine? In mating season, the frogs also grow two long, tapered tufts of a hair-like substance from either side of their body.
Efforts are underway to establish a fondness for cigars in the frogs, or at least, they are now.
Because I’m going to get one.
And I’m going to get tiny cigars, and I’m going to teach it only to croak in short, guttural bursts that resemble the word “bub.” The frog will rest alertly on my shoulder at all times, and it will claw the holy shit out of anybody eyeballing my personal space. Though the claws are small, the frog’s thrusting strength is relatively weak, and no poison is present, I fully expect any and all attackers to die immediately. There is no known scientific basis for this assumed fatality, but one researcher* conjectures that the human mind will simply hemorrhage and die “from the traumatic shockwaves of awesome.”
*I did some research once. That means I am technically a researcher.
Afterword: An alternate theory holds that the frog is more analogous to Marrow than Wolverine, but further investigation has revealed that everybody that believes this can eat a dick.