Robots are even better at being dickheads than we are.

I’m writing an article about the biggest dick moves in robotics for Cracked right now, and there are a few examples that I won’t be including in the final version…but god damn it, the people need to be warned! Not because they’re in any imminent danger or anything, but nobody wants to be dicked over by a robot. Being an asshole just needs no technological enhancement. So, here’s the first cut example of automaton dickotry, I have a few more and will update with them later in the week:

Rescue Robot

rescuebot
Korean skateboarding, in true Asian fashion, is much like regular skateboarding – only smaller, and more efficient

This is the Hanuri-RT, built by a Korean robotics company named AVING, Inc. AVING insists that only noble intentions are at heart here; they want to send a robot in place of emergency services workers to pull the injured and disabled to safety. The Hanuri will roll over difficult terrain, up stairs, and through flaming rubble to get to you. Unfortunately for the incapacitated or currently burning, once the Hanuri does get to you, it will just look at you apathetically with it’s non-face for one long, awkward moment while you die. You see, the Hanuri can only rescue you if you are well enough to stand, walk, balance, and hold your entire body-weight by your hands anyway. If you are in need of rescue, you have to stand up, balance yourself on top of it, then squat down and hold yourself upright in this position back over all that rough terrain, down those stairways and through all that flaming rubble. Essentially, it is little more than a fireproof all-terrain Rascal Scooter.

rascalfire
Sorry you have to die in a fire, but here’s a jaunty tip of the cap for your sacrifice!

It’s really only equipped to help fat people take a load off as they hustle from the flames. So if disaster strikes and you find yourself trapped under debris in a burning building in Korea, quite probably the last thing you see on this earth will be a fat guy in a Mumu ramping a tank skateboard out the window.

fatrequiem
Later dude, ask Jesus if they have Baconators in heaven for me, will ya?

That doesn’t help you with all that not-dying you were planning on doing today, but at least the last thing you see is reasonably hilarious. Thanks a bunch, Korea!

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3 Responses to Robots are even better at being dickheads than we are.

  1. Jerk Face says:

    Ha ha.. nice callback on the Baconator. I’m looking forward to reading the full article!

  2. Zemeth says:

    Even the name of the Rescue Robot is dicking with everyone, as hanuri is a slang word for ass in Finnish.

  3. Robert says:

    Ha ha ha, that is awesome!

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