Does everybody have their Motorhead albums ready? Okay, then let’s begin:
Alright, so let’s all take a few minutes to listen to some Motorhead, then return back here when we’re all sufficiently metal enough to read the rest of this post without crying.
We good? Okay! Let’s continue.
The scientists met specifically for this purpose, and this purpose alone: To fire a laser beam into the sky that causes lightning to strike on demand. Two teams of researchers collaborated to create the laser used, which fired several terawatts of energy directly into the overhead clouds. The laser beam then “self focused” on itself – refracting off of the water droplets present, which caused it to grow more powerful as it progressed – ultimately acting like a lightning rod for the collecting energy.
This is rather dry considering the scale of what they’ve just accomplished, so I’ll explain it a bit better for science, just in case science ever needs to get laid after a Slayer concert. The beam burned through the night sky until it gathered the attention of lightning bolts who, in appreciation of mankind’s sudden upswing in hardcore, could only strike in salute.
If my girlfriend asks how my day went, I would say something like “good, got some stuff done. Worked on my article. You?”
If these scientist’s girlfriends ask how their day went, they’ll say “I FIRED A FUCKING LASER BEAM AT GOD AND MADE HIM STRIKE LIGHTNING AT MY COMMAND AND NOW I NEED A SANDWICH TO REPLENISH THE ENERGY THAT I LOST WHILE LAUGHING MANIACALLY FOR TWO STRAIGHT DAYS AND YOU SHALL GET ME THIS SANDWICH WHILE I TAKE OFF MY SHIRT AND SCREAM FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!”
Seriously, if this isn’t the most badass, straight up old-school, speed-metal act of rampant destruction you’ve ever heard of, well then thanks for reading my blog, Ronnie James Dio!
That’s pretty rad that you like my stuff.
I’m gonna go tell my friends.