It’s widely known that it’s perfectly acceptable to be fairly racist as long as you are very, very old. In part this is because your severe age renders you somewhat harmless; your average octogenarian is not exactly going to hike up their old-timey suspenders, adjust their pork-pie hats, and trot off’a lynchin’ for sport on a Sunday morning, are they?
But it is also due in large part to the things that old people are racist about. I’m sure in their day it was a terrible, dehumanizing remark to imply that colored folk all drive Pontiacs and are quite poor at baking cakes, but it’s so anachronistic and strange that it doesn’t even matter anymore.
This has led to me to an amazing realization: It is the attempted logical justification and slight hint of truth that makes racism so dangerous. You are extrapolating false and hurtful generalizations from some form of real, actual data. However, it is perfectly acceptable for anybody, regardless of age, to be as racist as they want – as long as their ultimate conclusions make no logical sense.
Always on the forefront of experimentation, I will now risk massive controversy and public condemnation by trying it out first:
Those damned Mexicans – sure they have the power of unassisted human flight, but they ain’t got a shit’s sense of equillibrium. You find me a flyin’ Mexican, I guaran-god-damned-tee you he’s facin’ the wrong way.
There, ya see! Fuckin’ Mexicans can’t steer in the air. That there’s a fact. You bank that. You bank it.