It’s like doing Freak Nasty’s Da Dip…with Explosions and Swearing.

Shit, you guys.

I am so bad at videogames now. I’m pretty sure I used to be good, but then I had sex, and now it is all gone.


When confronted with enemies suddenly appearing before me, my response is no longer an intricate series of flips and jumps with guns blazing. Instead, my gut reaction is now to spin counter-clockwise in one place, firing explosives at my own feet in inexplicable intervals until I am dead.

and explode

Then, there is much swearing.

What a useless post, it’s like a big “fuck you,” for paying attention to me. So, in the interest of forthrightness:


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10 Responses to It’s like doing Freak Nasty’s Da Dip…with Explosions and Swearing.

  1. Brett says:

    I still can’t get the hang of shooters… Every time I move to look around a corner, bullets seem to be magnetized to my face…. then I look like Swiss Cheese… and I don’t taste like Swiss Cheese…. I taste like shame and regret…. OH MY LORD I’M A BACONATOR

  2. Jerk Face says:

    @ Brett

    Ha ha… Nice!

  3. Lester the Mo says:

    …with the added salty cruch of wasted potential?

  4. Brett says:

    …Maybe…… yes…. OH GOD I’M SO ALONE -weeping-

  5. Mike Fool says:

    I can agree with the magnetics. I also don’t seem to have the hand/eye coordination of the 8 year olds that continually riddle me with bullets and laugh.

  6. Robert says:

    I second the 8 year olds sentiment. On top of making you feel bad when you lose horrifically to a kid in Naruto footie pajamas, they also rob you of any semblance of victory.

    How can you feel all that good about shooting an 8 year old in the face?

    A side note: Hello, FBI key word search engines! If you liked that, check out my post about rape! There’s a picture of a 14 year old Asian girl in there for you; that should really be all the evidence you need.

    Oh, and you’re welcome.

  7. Kevin says:

    I’m pretty sure the fact that you’re a writer wouldn’t put you high on the FBI’s list (as opposed to some high-powered business man, or trash collector). Although that beard is definitely intriguing…

  8. Brett says:

    And the rapist mustache… No offense… your mustache just screams “Hey, wanna see this dark ally I know about? Don’t worry if you get scared, you can huff this rag!”

  9. The FBI says:




  10. Robert says:

    Dearest FBI,

    You will have to come and take me. Come and take me from my sprawling complex and my 16 wives, all of which know karate.

    I find karate sexy.

    Who among you does not find karate sexy? Do not judge me.

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