Xbox Live: Like a frat party where it’s acceptable to shoot everybody in the face.

So I bought an Xbox 360 a couple of weeks ago, and overall I’m pretty happy with it. However, the online multiplayer needs some work. Well, to be fair it’s not the actual service that’s flawed, it’s mankind in general. And it’s not so much “flawed” as it is “entirely fucked to the gills with assholes.”

Seriously, if you guys want to know why everybody hates Americans, put on your embarrassing Pretend Flight Commander headset and listen for three minutes. The reason will become painfully clear just seconds before you black out from the painful inter-cranial hate-hemorrhaging. Your average gamer might log on, check the time, turn the volume down a bit, and settle in for a quick, entertaining game. The Xbox Live guy logs on, checks his wireless headset to make sure the volume is turned up as loud as possible, flips his thesaurus to the dog-eared entry on “homosexual,” licks his lips and begins another zealous, thunderous sermon against a world of faggots, retards, and fagtards. I can only presume that he sees, every time he logs on, something akin to this:

what a bunch of fags

So, do any of you have Xbox 360s? Do you play online? Do you consider faggot to be unacceptable substitute for any and all pronouns? You should hit me up. My ID is “brockwar.” I mostly play Team Fortress 2 and Call of Duty 4 right now, but I have Gamefly and I’ll check something out if it’s recommended strongly enough and with a sufficient number of exclamation points.

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12 Responses to Xbox Live: Like a frat party where it’s acceptable to shoot everybody in the face.

  1. Jerk Face says:

    Yeah, Live is pretty much full of douche-canoes like that. The title of your post says it all!

    I think that’s part of the reason I like gaming online on the PC more. PC gaming in general is kind of like lighting your wallet on fire, since you have to upgrade your system all the fucking time; but you get less of the frat-turds on there. Especially with TF2. The PC online community is much less terrible for that (wonderful) game. Though I am, incidentally, planning on picking up a 360 soon enough.

    If you do play on Steam at all, my ID is Jerk Face.

  2. Robert says:

    It’s just too much money for me. I have a five year old dell that was obsolete the day I bought it, and I can’t afford to invest that much over time. If you pick up an Xbox, by all means hit me up. Otherwise I will just resign myself to throwing grenades at douchebags.

    When you think of it that way, it’s almost better that they’re douchebags.

    It’s kind of fucked up to want to throw grenades at friends.

  3. Jerk Face says:

    “Friends don’t let friends throw grenades at other friends.”

  4. StoatLad says:

    “…faggots, retards, and fagtards.” This is the kind of comedy that I crave. 🙂

    It is also an all-too-accurate description of the standard XBL crowd. I spent some time at my friends’ dorm. We hung out mostly in the common room with our pen-and-paper RPGs and our underdeveloped social skills, but the two guys that played Gears of War three rooms down the hallway were the real life of the party. Never before has “fuck” been screamed so loud, long, or often from a third floor college apartment at three in the morning.

    tl,dr: You are funny; XBox Live is host to morons; my friends’ roommates sounded like a craigslist casual encounter.

  5. Paul says:

    I used to log onto CounterStrike with the username “Potato_Latke” from the “Heeb4Lyfe” clan. Goebbels himself would’ve been humbled by the voracity and perverse creativity of the epithets hurled my way after every round.

  6. Robert says:

    Yeah, dude. It’s like a fucking Klan rally on there. What the hell? Aren’t these supposed to be fun?

    Wait, is severe bigotry fun?

    Have…have I been missing out?

    All this time?

  7. Jerk Face says:

    Oh, man! CountrStrike kids are the fucking WORST for this shit! They are like XBL kids, except with racism. And tourettes.

  8. Brett says:

    I got my 360 about a month ago and was impressed with how well Xbox Live works. I first went through Bioshock and was blown away by that, and soon jumped onto Halo 3. Now shooters are not my forte, as a primarily Nintendo user My only training has been the Metroid series and Time Splitters. So after my first match there was a myriad of high pitched swears and low brow insults hurled into my ear at a soothing decible of twelve hundred and seven. Soon though I found a group of players who are generally pleasant and funny. Suffice it to say, I really don’t play Halo 3 all that much anymore, but I do play a bit of TF2. So if the last thing you see on your screen is the silver blur of an aluminum bat crashing down into your skull as the name Agent Monkfish passes by… That was me… And it was probably my only kill of the match so… Yay me!

  9. Robert says:

    I’ll try to remember to add you next time I get on. If you see the red blur of my blood flying everywhere as I explode fantastically, don’t worry. That’s normal.

  10. i play CoD4 mostly, and that’s the reason I never plug in my headset and have the tv volume set to about 4 (which is real quiet). But I’ll add you. My name is SMASHIE BYE BYE.

  11. Robert says:

    I’ll add you back, especially because that’s exactly how I play it.

    I pretty much just don’t use the headset and turn the sound down. I don’t need to know that the people kicking my ass are either 12 years old or mentally retarded. I like to think of them as elite trained commandos practicing their next missions, as that is the only way they should be able to kill me so often, and so embarassingly.

    I love CoD4, and play often, but holy shit am I bad at it. I just got it a few weeks ago and you can easily tell I’m late to the game as I down grenades like aspirin and give great big welcoming hugs to onslaughts of bullets.

  12. MergedLoki says:

    I find it’s hit and miss. The WORST online game it seems for craptastic behaviour is halo 3.
    I think it’s cuz the majority of halo 3 online players are between the ages of 6 – 12 and when it’s not ‘fag this fag that fuck you etc.’ it’s whining that ‘omg that noob hit me w/a sniper rifle/rocket/punch to the face/wahtever killed em’
    A game I recently got that hasn’t seemed TOO bad (so far) is Enemy Territory Quake Wars. I dont think the halo crowd has discovered it yet.
    anyways I also own halo 3 (haven’t touched it in months) CoD4, i love it but been into GTAIV lately. oh yea gonna hafta gree w/Vengeance_is_me above there. ONLY time i got the headset plugged in in COD4 is when i’m playing with friends so we all wanna talk/bullshit.
    anyways feel free to add me (anyone reading this) if you want i’m generally up for a few online matches a week. got about 10 games or so.
    GT: MergedLoki
    later.

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