Look, here I’ll just say it:
I know, you guys, I know. I’ll give you a minute if you need it.
The thing is, hip replacement patients are normally elderly males, usually taller than average, and often a bit heavier. Prince is forty-nine years old, five foot three and, while boxing, fights in the “Adorable Pixie” weight class.
So you know why he needs this, right? Too much dancin’ and fuckin’, and often at the same time. It’s hard on a body to dancefuck. It requires a lot of physical dedication, and Prince put a few hundred thousand more miles than a mere mortal body can handle onto that poor hip. It’s fucking dust now.
But don’t let it get you too down. Think of it this way: How much harder is Prince gonna fuck now that he has robotic hips?
Yeah. It’s almost scary, isn’t it? Trent Reznor wants to fuck you like an animal. Prince is going to fuck you like the Terminator. He is now, quite literally, a sex machine.
If I had a vagina, I’d just start running right about now. Frankly, ladies, you’re going to need the headstart.