Updated: Thanks for all the input you guys, you have no idea how useful it is to have people to bounce this stuff off of. I kind of had the opposite impression, that the more vague you go with a column, the less it’s preferred. I thought everybody would prefer narrowing into a specific niche, but that does not seem to be the case. I’ll talk to the guy, see if he’ll let me do more of a movie theme in general.I think I’ll still end up doing a fair amount of reviews, but we’ll see. I’ll post the first attempt at this later this week.Oh, and I’m writing a piece for him that’ll run just prior to the Oscars, so I’ll post that link when I get it too. Please just continue commenting on the movie articles until I can get a really solid direction, and I think I can make this thing work. Thanks again, everybody. Handjobs are in the mail, expect them in 4-6 weeks*.
*Truth? My only truth is the blade, the axe, the scream of the battlefield and the roar of victory. That is the only truth that matters to a man, all else is naught but stories and lies.
Listen, I need your help.
I may have a pretty great opportunity here in a couple of months. The details are still being worked out and nothing’s solid yet, but it’s looking good. In short, I may have a column for an awesome site that’s doing a relaunch towards comedy. They want me to stay topical in pop culture commentary, but aside from that I have free reign. Video games, reviews, movies, TV, advice columns, whatever.
I’m thinking movies, for several reasons. First, there’s a few really good humorists out there covering video games but not many covering movies and besides, I don’t have the time nor money to fully devote myself to gaming. TV is great fodder for comedy, but the problem there is that it stops in summer, and I have no material. Now, two of my biggest articles at Cracked are movie based, and traffic always seems to do well there on all movie articles in general. Also, I love shitty movies, and Hollywood will never short me on those. Finally, I figure I’ll always have material between theater and DVD releases, enough for a weekly column or several monthly projects, anyway.
But that’s just me, I’ve never done a recurring column on one subject before, so what do you guys think?
I really need input on this stuff, has it been done to death already and I just don’t know about it? Would you, even if you didn’t read my stuff already, be interested in this kind of thing? What kind of format should I take? Should it be more movie news and commentary, or strictly review? Would you prefer reviews of new, big budget movies predominantly, or perhaps funnier, but older and lesser known movies you could rent? What bothers you about movie reviews that you’d like to see done away with, and what should I keep?
Ideally, I would like to take the few months before relaunch to start posting a few experiments here: To refine and structure something that would work as a recurring feature. I would theoretically post these on Fridays during the day, just so you know. But I would need feedback. There’s about a dozen of you who comment regularly, and I love you guys, seriously, I tape your screen names up on the ceiling and drift away into fantasy like a teenage girl, sighing repeatedly from your dreaminess, but I need more. There’s a pretty good amount of people who read this site, so if only a handful are interested, that’d be enough.
You can lurk all you want on the other posts (I know you like to watch,) but maybe once a week you could give just a little response to these specific pieces? Don’t worry, I’m not sensitive and if you don’t like something and can explain why or how to fix it, I would be really grateful. Intensely grateful. I would give you handjobs. Literally, I would come to your homes and give you appreciative handjobs, I promise.* So, what do you say? If you would be willing to help me out on this, please comment to this post and tell me that yes, you’d give me feedback on these samples.
*Promises may not be valid in all countries, providences, states or territories. The internet is a kingdom of lies, and you are its dancing jesters – existing only to be callously mocked for the innocent naivety of your beliefs.
Edit: The project can go a few ways, either a weekly column (which I would prefer) or monthly and bi-monthly projects. I should also have mentioned that this is work; I would be getting paid a good amount of money for this. So the concerns about what happens if I don’t feel like doing it and whatnot are kind of irrelevant. Besides, deep down at the heart of things everything I write is basically calling somebody a dickhead. And I always feel like calling somebody a dickhead. Always. Thanks for the comments so far guys, this is great help. Keep it up. Handjobs ahoy!*
*SO MANY LIES.