So I’m taking a sociology class on marriage and family because, let’s face it, sometimes I watch America’s Next Top Model with my girlfriend – how many Man Points can I lose, really? This week’s reading dealt with sex, which I think is good times, but man-hating textbook writers think is violent rape. The argument they present is essentially this: When most girls lose their virginity, they were pretty sure the boy wanted it more. Due to the pain associated with it, they’re almost certain the boy enjoyed it more. If the girl wants it less than the boy, then she feels she has to be convinced into sex – so it’s not exactly forced but it can’t be truly consensual. This is called Nonforced Nonconsensual sex, and all non-consensual sex is rape. Women in general enjoy sex less than men, so all heterosexual sex is rape.
I’m sorry ladies, did you think you were capable human beings? No, haha, no. Turns out you’re just helpless victims because most of you like something less than men. So sorry! Oh, and guys, way to rape it up out there! Remind me to rape-five you later!
But hey, why stop at just sex, this argument is so fucking valid we can extend it to just about anything! I didn’t like that TV show Friends all that much, but I heard the cast were all great buddies in real life and had a really fun time filming it, therefore Friends raped me. Man, fuck you Friends, way to be rapists.
Listen, I know rape isn’t the easiest thing to laugh at. To tell you the truth I was phoning this one in a little bit. It’s early yet and I’m still half asleep, so you probably enjoyed reading this…more than I…enjoyed posting…
OH MY GOD YOU’RE RAPING MY BLOG!
YOU ARE RAPING THE TENDER VAGINA OF MY BLOG WITH THE THROBBING PATRIARCHAL COCK OF YOUR READERSHIP!
OH GOD YOU’RE STILL DOING IT!
I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WON’T STOP DOING IT!
WHY IS NOBODY HELPING?!