My internet has been down for a couple of days, which gave me plenty of time to go outside, get some exercise, bask in the glow of loved ones, and read some great literature. I didn’t do any of those things, but I had plenty of time for them. I thought maybe it was a line problem, or a DNS problem, but the Qwest guy came out and apparently the problem was Qwest fucking my facehole with the cock of incompetence. I didn’t actually think to check that, but I’ll be sure to go there first thing next time.
Right now I’m pretty much on dial-up speeds, which is really nostalgic actually. It’s just like living in the ’90s again. For example, I suddenly think roller-blading is awesome, and after I’m done writing this I’m gonna go put on a long-john top underneath my T-shirt before I head out to hit the town, maybe get a little jiggy wit’ it. Just a bit. Big Willy style’s all in it though, naturally.
Right after I wreak a great and terrible vengeance on my ISP for trying to force me outdoors. Eye for an eye, motherfuckers.
Actually, wait. There was a warning about that…an eye for an eye makes everyone blind, right?
Fuck that. I don’t know about you, but if somebody poked out one of my eyes I think I’d just fucking kill them.
I COME FOR YOU, INTERNETS.