The sun, she burns.

My internet has been down for a couple of days, which gave me plenty of time to go outside, get some exercise, bask in the glow of loved ones, and read some great literature. I didn’t do any of those things, but I had plenty of time for them. I thought maybe it was a line problem, or a DNS problem, but the Qwest guy came out and apparently the problem was Qwest fucking my facehole with the cock of incompetence. I didn’t actually think to check that, but I’ll be sure to go there first thing next time.

the spirit of service

Right now I’m pretty much on dial-up speeds, which is really nostalgic actually. It’s just like living in the ’90s again. For example, I suddenly think roller-blading is awesome, and after I’m done writing this I’m gonna go put on a long-john top underneath my T-shirt before I head out to hit the town, maybe get a little jiggy wit’ it. Just a bit. Big Willy style’s all in it though, naturally.

Right after I wreak a great and terrible vengeance on my ISP for trying to force me outdoors. Eye for an eye, motherfuckers.

Actually, wait. There was a warning about that…an eye for an eye makes everyone blind, right?

Fuck that. I don’t know about you, but if somebody poked out one of my eyes I think I’d just fucking kill them.

I COME FOR YOU, INTERNETS.

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9 Responses to The sun, she burns.

  1. Jerk Face says:

    That picture almost made me poop myself. Holy fuck that is funny!

  2. Hollie says:

    I’ve had a shite day, this is the only thing that has raised close to a smile from me, Thanks.

  3. Robert says:

    Glad I could help, Hollie. If I’m here for anything, it’s to bring smiles to the masses, rainbows to the proletariat, and puppies to the oppressed.

  4. Josh Roberts says:

    Dude, you are awesome. You keep me in stitches. Next time, I’m suing.

  5. dgrub. says:

    Yes, Qwest employs a gaggle of idiots. On the application, all there is is a mostly blank sheet of paper with a $ sign and a picture of a little mouse. if you circle, underline, or any way otherwise indicate the $, you get the job.

    In fact, fuck everyone involved in internet service, as COX face fisted the fuck out of me for three hours with their incompetence.

    And NetZero- am I the only one who recalls their adds, set in a court hearing setting where the tag line was something to the effect of “NO matter how long we are here, we’re always going to give it away!”…. motherfuckers charge like 12 bucks a month now. Not that I’d know first hand, I’m bust knuckle swallowing cox.

  6. Robert says:

    I used to have NetZero, then I remembered I WAS NOT A COMMUNIST.

    Communist.

  7. dgrub. says:

    yes yes indeed but i dont know SAMBO and i hate teeth wrenching cold, and i’ve never stared down a bear under a vodka stupor. which i imagine is what all russians do. and build bombs. rudimentry, snow based bombs. bombs meant for freedom fighting liberal gods, like captain america made a baby with obama.

  8. StoatLad says:

    Your affirmation of non-communism would be better taken if you hadn’t just thrown about words like “masses,” proletariat,” and “oppressed” in the context of dispensation joy. I’m on to you, Red.

  9. Pingback: BREAKING NEWS: Irony fucking sucks. — ifightrobots.com

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