Also, on the topic of how to improve music: I think Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer,” would be much improved if, instead of the titular “livin’ on a prayer” line, he sang “shotgun bear!” instead.
I just think everybody would be happier. Especially bears with the manual dexterity and intellectual capacity necessary to wield a shotgun. The improved chorus would go:
Whoa-oh, we’re halfway there
Take my hand, we’ll make it I swear
Whoa-oh, Shotgun Bear!
See? It lends the song a much more intense and dramatic feel. It’s as though Jovi and an unnamed love interest are almost, almost out of some deep, dark, abyssal forest when from the shadows comes a faint growl and the foreboding clack of a shotgun being pumped. Oh no! Whoa-oh! There’s a god damn Shotgun Bear! What?! Why, whatever are we going to do now, Bon!? To which he could only narrow his eyes and gravely reply:
Thus lending a whole new meaning to the title, “livin’ on a prayer.”
Why am I not a rockstar, right now? Is it the ugliness, the beer gut, or just the complete lack of musical talent? If so, explain Meatloaf.