Twice as dangerous as Karate Wolf

Also, on the topic of how to improve music: I think Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a Prayer,” would be much improved if, instead of the titular “livin’ on a prayer” line, he sang “shotgun bear!” instead.

shotgun bear

I just think everybody would be happier. Especially bears with the manual dexterity and intellectual capacity necessary to wield a shotgun. The improved chorus would go:

Whoa-oh, we’re halfway there
Take my hand, we’ll make it I swear
Whoa-oh, Shotgun Bear!

See? It lends the song a much more intense and dramatic feel. It’s as though Jovi and an unnamed love interest are almost, almost out of some deep, dark, abyssal forest when from the shadows comes a faint growl and the foreboding clack of a shotgun being pumped. Oh no! Whoa-oh! There’s a god damn Shotgun Bear! What?! Why, whatever are we going to do now, Bon!? To which he could only narrow his eyes and gravely reply:


Thus lending a whole new meaning to the title, “livin’ on a prayer.”

Why am I not a rockstar, right now? Is it the ugliness, the beer gut, or just the complete lack of musical talent? If so, explain Meatloaf.


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3 Responses to Twice as dangerous as Karate Wolf

  1. Darkmage says:


    I’ll go and kill myself now.

    Also, It’s My Life would be much improved if you changed the aint chorus line to Bear With Knife.

    “Bear with knife, it’s now or never. I aint gonna live forever! I just wanna live while I’m alive. Bear With Knife.”

  2. Robert says:


    That fucking cracked me up. Good job.

  3. MegaSeveN says:

    Oh God, I’m singing Bear With Knife from now on.

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