A friend of ours lives in what is politely referred to as an urban renewal area. That’s Honkey-talk for ghetto, dear friends. On the corner by their house lies a rotting raccoon corpse. It’s been there for about a year, right on a major intersection, steadily rotting and nobody will do anything about it.That in itself is fairly ghetto, however, it has prompted a response which is quite literally the funniest thing I’ve heard in months.
Somebody took a shit on it.
Not near it, not around it, not just off to the side of it, but rather directly and properly piled on top of a year old rotten animal corpse.
The danger and disease of a rotting corpse in a major metropolitan area is sad and messed up enough, but without exception the worst way I can possibly imagine to respond to a situation, any situation, is to take a shit on that situation. To find something utterly disgusting, and then immediately act to make that something even more repulsive is so frivolously, unnecessarily spiteful that you will always arouse a chuckle from appreciative pessimists, such as myself. Just the questions this act raises are an endless source of amusement and wonder, for example:
Is it crazier if the shitter of shits in question planned on doing this, or if it was a spur of the moment, off the cuff response?
I mean, is it more psychotic for a person walking by one day to see the carcass and continue walking, but make a mental note to return to the corpse at a later date, when the street is less populated and they feel the bodily urge to defecate?
Or is it more fuck-all insane to walk down the street, spot a year old corpse and, on a whim, decide “I think I might shit on that. Yes, yes I think I might.”
What do you say if, and this is a very real possibility, somebody walks by and catches you, squatting at a major intersection shitting on a corpse?
“What…what are you doing?”
“I’m shitting on a corpse, motherfucker, what does IT LOOK LIKE?!”
“Cause it’s Tuesday!”
That is literally the most hardcore shit ever pulled. That should be the new macho act ghetto youth engage in to demonstrate their complete disregard for the sanctity of life. Taking a shit on a corpse should be the new Ghost-ridin’ The Whip.